Friday, October 05, 2007
- the.big.E.again -
Have u tried hiding your true emotion thinking that you hide it so well when a friend who barely even talk to you for more than 5 minutes knows that you are not having a good mood? Haha that’s a long question huh?
I felt quite amazed and somehow at the same time when I saw the message, felt happy.
Yes… HAPPY! Happy because my kind friend knew I’m in a bad mood and actually messaged me to ask if I’m ok and said I’m not in good mood. Immediately half of the bad mood was gone and I feel so much better. And all of the sudden, I’m emotional again. All the feelings just come to me and I really feel like crying. I think I’m just glad that I know someone still care and is aware of my feelings.
This kind of stupid feeling comes to me quite often and I feel so unbalance. Unbalance in emotion and perhaps mentally. And I always think that a few good sessions of yoga will make me forget and release the bad mood. My way of relaxing and feel-good-about-myself. I’m not sure why I’m always like that, feeling pek cek over nothing or small stuff. Not PMS I tell u cos I think its much more serious when I’m in pre-PMS mode. It just goes up and down faster than the stocks market.
Anyway, I have been trying hard not to hide my feelings too much cos that is a killer to me and that is also the reason why my last relationship don’t work out in the end. I’m simply hiding too much to myself thinking that I can solve and forget everything bad. Because I dun wan the people around me to get fan over my problem, my bo liao and not even exist problem. I’m feeling nasty sometimes because I feel that I’m being pushed or forced to do things I dun like. To do things I can’t say no, but have to do it.
Sometimes, I hope I can be alone… as in no one actually exist in my life. Haha but that’s really going to be quite pathetic if there is no one in my life. Cos all my lovely friends and family members are so so impt to me. I love everyone around me including some very nice colleagues from my previous jobs and current job.
AND THEN WHY I’m always making myself going deeper into sadness or self-pity? I can hardly understand why I’m doing so… I’m like trying to mess up life and emotion abit huh… I make myself sound so bad.
It sucks.
Ok I want to stop going on and on about this nonsensical feeling of mine…
3:40 PM; the pieces
